Published · Updated · Christian Søndersted, founder of Flipr
Tell your child what happens in the order it happens, and let the child be the main character in a short story the day before. Ask the clinic to tell, show, and only then do.
Make the dental visit predictable: explain the steps in order, use calm and honest words, and let the child live through the visit as the main character in a short story the night before. Agree with the clinic that they will first tell, then show, and then do. Avoid promising that they won't feel a thing.
| Step | What the child experiences | How you can say it |
|---|---|---|
| The waiting room | Waiting without knowing for how long | We'll sit for a bit, and then they'll call your name. |
| The chair | It goes up and down and can lean far back | The chair is like a slide; you and the dentist decide the speed together. |
| The lamp | A bright light right over the face | It's a flashlight so they can see your teeth. |
| Mirror and small hook | Something cold in the mouth touching the teeth | A small mirror and a hook that counts your teeth. |
| Polishing | A brush that hums and might tickle | A humming brush that makes your teeth shiny. |
| X-ray, if needed | A small plate to bite down on | You bite on a plate while they take a picture. |
| The suction tube | A tube that slurps up saliva | A vacuum cleaner for spit. |
| The end | The dentist says it's all over | Then you get to say that you did it. |
The night before. The letter from the dental clinic is on the fridge, and your child has seen it. "Will I have to put something in my mouth?" "Does it hurt?" "Can't you just come inside with me?"
You've answered everything, but the answers sound hollow when the child is nervous. And you know that the more you explain, the bigger it feels.
Flipr is an app where your child and your family become recurring characters in personalized stories with pictures and narration. You write what the story should be about, and it's ready in under 2 minutes.
This post is part of the guide How to prepare your child for something they are unsure about.
Children often point to pain, drilling, and anesthesia as the scariest parts, but the anxiety is also about what the child cannot see and cannot control:
The good news is that all four can be practiced in advance. That is exactly what a story can do.
And you are not alone. An article in the Danish Dental Journal mentions that 5 to 14 percent of children between ages 4 and 16 have significant anxiety about dental treatment. The youngest are often skeptical of the new and unknown, while older children are more often afraid because they have had a bad experience previously. If this applies to your child, let the story acknowledge it instead of pretending it never happened.
A Finnish study from 2004 of 1,474 children found that pain, drilling, and local anesthesia were reported as the most frightening. Children whose family members were afraid of the dentist were more often afraid themselves, though not among the 12-year-olds.
Visits vary slightly from clinic to clinic, so ask the staff what will happen. The table above shows the typical steps and some words that make them easier to imagine.
The method is called tell-show-do: first, say what is going to happen, then show the tool, and only then perform the action. It is used in many places, so it is worth asking for.
Use the sequence from the table and let the child be the protagonist. Include a person or a pet the child trusts. For example, you could write:
> Mia is going to the dentist tomorrow. She is a little nervous about the chair and the lamp. Her dog Baloo is there keeping watch. There should be a small moment of bravery, and in the end, Mia succeeds and gets a sticker.
A story based on that request could have a tone like this:
> Mia sat in the big chair. It moved back slowly, like a slide in slow motion. "It's just a flashlight," she thought as the lamp turned on. Baloo lay at her feet, looking after her. The dental hygienist showed her the small mirror first. "It's cold, but it doesn't hurt," Mia said. She counted to five, and then it was over.
This example is written to show the tone. Your own story will feature your names and your pets.
Feel free to call the clinic in advance and tell them your child is nervous. Ask if you can come by and see the place first, if the child can try the chair, and if you can sit close by. Many clinics are used to this and will take their time.
If your child is extremely afraid, refuses to go, or gets a stomach ache every time, talk to the dental clinic or your doctor. A story is a tool to help, not a treatment for dental phobia.
You don't have to invent anything tonight. It takes just a few minutes:
Tomorrow, in the waiting room, your child will look at the lamp and whisper: "It's just a flashlight." And then the child will walk in by themselves. It was you who gave the child those words.
Want to see it first? See examples of stories.
You can't necessarily remove the nervousness entirely, but you can make the visit predictable. Tell the steps in order, let the child be the hero in a short story, and ask the clinic to tell, show, and then do.
A good starting point is one to three days before. Read the story the night before, and give a brief reminder on the way there.
The clinic decides this, and rules vary. Ask in advance and agree on where you will sit so the child knows beforehand.
Be honest but calm. "It might tickle or feel like a little pressure, and then it's over" is better than either "it hurts" or "it doesn't hurt at all."
Pressure rarely helps. Talk to the dentist about taking it at the child's pace, perhaps with a short visit without treatment where the child just looks around and tries the chair.